In the woods, walking slow–a sort-of poem
I always put disclaimers before I post my “poetry.” This is particularly true when I post one of my “poems” just after posting a piece by someone who really can write poetry. (If you haven’t read high school Tyler Jackson’s “Beloved,” please follow the link and do so.)
I am working on (or at least processing) several blog posts right now, a couple of which will be in the confessional living series, but as none of them is fully formed, I am instead sharing my creative-ish ramblings on walking in the woods, which I love to do no matter what the season, what the weather.
In the Woods, Walking Slow
Birds sound out—I imagine they are sharing the news,
The weather forecast, the society page.
One last note, and there is unusual silence,
Deep, weighty.
Perhaps even ominous.
I stop, too—the better to sense the wolf of Grimm’s dark tale—
scan the trees, then laugh at myself.
Another birdcall, and my eyes follow the sound, sliding up dark trunks
To trace the branches black against the darkening sky.
Dusk is here.
I step further,
seeing less, listening more,
hearing the Spirit’s whisper:
“I am here.”
The Holy hangs in the air around me,
In the Joy of the birds, the Mystery of the imagination, the Beauty of the branch-laced sky
God IS—Big and Real.
In the woods
I practice stillness
And know.
Odds and Ends: a recording, a verse, a suggestion
A RECORDING: If you didn’t read the last post, a poem by Wheaton Academy student Tyler Jackson, please scroll down below this post to see it (or follow the link above). The more I read her poem, the more I am influenced by it, so I made a recording of it in case any of you would rather hear it (poetry so often has a different effect when it’s listened to) or listen as you read along. Here’s the recording:
A VERSE: In my latest post in the Confessional Living series, it was implied but not actually stated that the Holy Spirit most often uses the very Word of God to make us aware of our hidden (or not so hidden) sins. Hebrews 4:12 is a oft-quoted verse about the power of Scripture. I’m putting it here in the New Living translation because it makes the verse new and fresh even to those who have quoted it since they were children. I am also including verses 13-16 because the Gospel, hallelujah, goes beyond our sin to the Savior who rescued us through His own sacrifice.
Hebrews 4:12-16 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. 14 So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. 15 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. 16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
*Here is Hebrews 4:12-16 in several different versions/paraphrases.
A SUGGESTION: Are you wanting to read Scripture more and allow God to use it to change you? Bible Gateway has recently added a section to its website titled “Scripture Engagement.” Here’s the first paragraph on that page: “This section of Bible Gateway, created in partnership with the Taylor University Center for Scripture Engagement, outlines a set of practical exercises and activities you can undertake to interact more meaningfully with the Bible.” I would encourage you to check it out by following the link above.
Guest Writer: Tyler Jackson’s poem “Beloved”
Living Confessionally, Part 4: Inviting the Holy Spirit’s Conviction
I’ve had two recent conversations about confession. In both the other person told me they are often not sure what to confess. They want a specific recognition of sin in their lives beyond the “we have not loved (God) with our whole heart/We have not loved our neighbor as ourselves.” The prayer of confession* also refers to sinning against God in “thoughts, words, and deeds” and by “what we have done” and “left undone.” What, in particular, are these—and how do we become more aware of them in our lives?
It’s generally not too difficult to recognize when we commit one of the “big” sins: an outright lie; a lustful thought; an outburst of anger; blatant, hurtful gossip, etc.** But the less obvious ones, the ones that pop up like weeds from our inherent self-focus/self-love, are often overlooked. Our bishop at Church of the Resurrection, Stewart Ruch, calls self-love/focus the “seed of sin.” It’s a very prolific seed, and the “small” sins it sprouts are harmful, no less harmful than the “big” ones. But they are also insidious (I love that word—it actually sounds evil!), working subtly and gradually. Many of them can even disguise themselves as something culture sees as good (like selfish ambition). How can we recognize these in our lives?
A couple of verses from the Psalms have been a great help for me as I’ve thought about this problem. Psalm 139 opens with these lines: “You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.” It goes on to show how intimate this knowledge is and the section ends with this statement: “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” This “knowledge” is about me—ME! God’s knowledge of me is far, far greater than my own knowledge of myself. He knows me in ways I am completely unable to know myself. That can seem terrifying—but it’s actually very, very helpful. Each of us has major blind spots in our lives; we can point out faults in others but remain unable to see the very same sins in ourselves. Psalm 19:12 says, “…who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults.” The last two verses in Psalm 139 say, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” In the New Living Translation that last verse reads, “Point out anything in me that offends you”; the Message paraphrases it “Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about;”.
I’ve discovered the Holy Spirit really does answer that prayer and does so in very gracious, gentle ways—in exactly the ways that make me recognize and face my sin without completely crushing me. The Spirit is also incredibly creative in this process: I’ve become aware of insidious sin in my life through a particular word that keeps popping up in my mind, through sermons I’ve listened to, books I’ve read (even fiction), my children’s struggles…
Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; through Christ our Lord.***
*The first blog post in this series has the prayer of confession in its entirety.
**It can be helpful to simply read some of the lists of sins in Scripture and ask the Spirit to reveal those in our lives. Here are links to some of them: Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6, Proverbs 6:16-19.
***This is the Collect for Purity from the Book of Common Prayer.
Living Confessionally, Part 3: Stretching my view of God
NOTE: The italicized phrases in this blog post are drawn from the prayer of confession, which follows the post.
In the last blog post in this series, I wrote about how confession has expanded my view of sin: it is not limited to thoughts, words, or actions, for these spring from a self-focus that keeps me from loving God and others. This understanding of sin has also stretched my view of God, for I see that He, unlike me, has NO sin in Him. His Spirit is not bent in self-focus; His every intent and action are for good.
As a child I equated God’s sinlessness (holiness) with a lot of “not” statements. God does not lie, does not steal (kind of impossible for Him to do that!), does not…
But the holiness of God is so much greater than that. I turn to my definition of “not-sin” from the last blog post to help me with this idea. “Not sin” (holiness) is loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and loving my neighbor as myself.
Does God do that?
Yes!
First, He loves Himself with all His heart, soul, mind, and strength.
That’s a strange statement, and one my mind falls far short of comprehending, but when I consider the Trinity (another idea that blows my mind), I see that in the Three-in-One, God keeps this first-and-greatest commandment perfectly. The Father loves and honors the Son and the Spirit; the Son loves and honors the Father and the Spirit; the Spirit loves and exalts the Father and the Son. (For a GREAT and readable article on this, read “The Good News of the Trinity” by Tim Chester. By the way, he uses the term “perichoresis” in that article; click on the word to find the definition–which I had to look up!)
In the Trinity we catch a glimpse of how relationships are supposed to be. No self-centeredness taints the fellowship of the Trinity. Its members are for each other, loving each other with purity and kindness. The members of the Trinity completely act out the love described in I Corinthians 13 and the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5.
Second, God loves His neighbors (all His creation) as Himself. This doesn’t negate justice. God wouldn’t allow sin within Himself; He cannot accept it in us. And this is exactly where God’s love for us, His “neighbors” shines brightest. Rather than leave us in a state of separation from all that is purely good (Himself), He loved us as Himself and GAVE Himself. There is no greater example of the second commandment. For the sake of the Son, Christ, He forgives us and has mercy on us.
And so the prayer of confession takes my eyes UP—away from my self, away even from my sin—and I am amazed at the Goodness of God. In all His thoughts, words, and deeds toward us, in what He does and does not do—
He is Good.
Here is the Prayer of confession in its entirety:
Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us;
That we may delight in your will,
And walk in your ways,
To the glory of your Name.
Amen
Almighty God, have mercy on us,
Forgive us all our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Strengthen us in all goodness,
And by the power of the Holy Spirit keep us in eternal life.
Amen.
Living Confessionally, Part 2: Expanding our view of sin
Not long ago I listened as a group of women talked about Bible studies they’d recently been involved in. One spoke of studying First John. “What surprised me most was the emphasis on confession,” she said. “We don’t do this in my church service, and I find I don’t do it very often personally either. I mean, I do when I see I’ve lied or been unkind, but most of the time I have a hard time recognizing my sin.”
It was an honest acknowledgement, and I understood her. We can easily fall into the trap of seeing sin as a list of things to avoid. The rich young ruler did this; he checked off the Ten Commandments as complete. And even though I understand this is impossible, I sometimes fool myself into thinking that if I attack the sins listed in the Scriptures, one by one, I can be free from them. This is not sanctification; this is self-improvement, the belief that I am really okay at the core, it’s just that I have these sins stuck to my surface.
The prayer of confession deepens my view of sin far, far beyond this.
“… we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.”
In this blog entry I want to look at the last two statements, for these define sin: not loving God with the whole heart; not loving one’s neighbor as oneself.
The “whole heart” includes all of our being: mind, soul, and strength (physical self), and the term “neighbor,” as explained by Christ in His parable of the Good Samaritan, does not exclude ANYONE, no matter how unlike me they happen to be.
So for me to NOT sin would mean I would need to wholly/completely love God AND every person I encounter each and every minute of my life
What would that be like?
I have no idea! I don’t even know what it would be like for a single moment because I can’t do it. I am unable to look completely away from myself, unable to focus upward and outward without one eye—at least—always gazing in. Even my “good” works are tainted with this “looking in.” I may do them with partially pure motives, but at some level I am hoping they will make me feel better about myself or exalt me in God’s or others’ sight.
I am incapable of pure love, even when the object is the pure and wonderful God, even when it is a newborn infant, as innocent and beautiful as a human can be.
The prayer of confessions helps me understand that I am not a sinner because I sin. No, I sin because I am broken at my very core.
The prayer of confession leads me to the huge depth of my need.
Note: As I was thinking about this, I listened to a Tim Keller podcast in which he said the phrase “homo curvatus in se,” and explained it was Martin Luther’s definition of sin. In researching this phrase, I discovered an article on theotherjournal.com by Matt Jenson (Associate Professor of Theology in the Torrey Honors Institute at Biola University) titled “The Shape of Our Sin.” Here’s a summary of part of his article, which is drawn from his book The Gravity of Sin: Augustine, Luther and Barth on ‘homo incurvatus in se’:
Augustine and Martin Luther wrote about sin as “humanity curved in on itself” (homo curvatus in se). Augustine said that because of this “curvatus,” we use everything, even God, for the enjoyment or comfort of ourselves, and Luther said this sin extends throughout our entire person—there is not a single part of us that is not centered on self. Karl Barth builds upon Augustine’s and Luther’s views and says that curvatus is also seen when we believe ourselves rather than God. We exalt our own statements as “truth” and reject God’s truths as lies. And he further makes the point that while we often see our “curvatus” as pride, the opposite is also true: when we debase ourselves and are constantly focused on our shortcomings, this is but another form of the curvatus. We are still focused on ourselves.
Living confessionally
I have been praying the Confession (from the Book of Common Prayer) in church now for a little over a year. More recently, it has become a daily prayer.
The same words, over and over.
I understand that liturgy, through its sheer repetition, can become meaningless. The most wonderful prayers, though filled beginning to end with Truth, can be rote when they are said without thought.
But my experience with this prayer in particular has been quite the opposite: it gains new meaning nearly every time I pray it. Because of this, I have been thinking a great deal about confession, not just the actual prayer but the idea of living “confessionally,” individually and as the Church, the body of Christ. I’ve not given much brainpower to this idea before now, and as I’ve thought about it, it’s grown in its significance for me. I’m planning to write a short series on it. I hope this is not simply a one-way presentation but that it prompts discussion. I feel I still have a great deal to learn about confession (as I do about so very many things), and I would love to learn WITH you.
Today’s post is simply the prayer itself and the prayer/benediction that always follows it.
Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us;
That we may delight in your will,
And walk in your ways,
To the glory of your Name.
Amen
Almighty God, have mercy on us,
Forgive us all our sins through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Strengthen us in all goodness,
And by the power of the Holy Spirit keep us in eternal life.
Amen.
the truth that keeps me out of the cave of despair
Scotland trip, final day
The last post I wrote was after our full day at Deans Community High School. The following morning we were at Deans for our last assembly, presenting the cardboard testimonies to another group of students. Afterward, our students hung out with several of the Deans students they’d attended classes with the day before. We finally broke up the party and trekked the students to the train station. The attendant didn’t make it to our car till about 50 minutes into our trip to Glasgow. When he entered, Dave and I motioned to him and he walked past the rows of students to get to us. “They’re all with us,” Dave told him. He looked back at the kids, each one either asleep or zoned out, and then turned back to us. “What’d you do, drug them?” he asked.
The students livened up a bit after we got off the train, and they had some free time at Buchanan Galleries (one of the major shopping districts) before we went to the People’s Palace, a museum that celebrates the lives of ordinary people in Glasgow. We returned to Livingston North in the late afternoon and went straight to a church in Linlithgow. We had a chance to hold a debrief meeting before the church’s youth—the same kids we’d danced with at the ceilidh the Friday before—arrived for a joint youth gathering.
This meeting unveiled so much. We knew our students were tired, and after more than 10 days of the trip, with a lot of late nights/early mornings, and miles upon miles of walking, this was understandable. But Dave and I had guessed that for many of them, the fatigue was also tied to the day before, the day spent entirely at Deans. The debrief bore this out. Many talked about the nervousness they’d felt about being in a public school, about being questioned about their faith, about spending the day with peers they didn’t know. But they also shared how powerful the day had actually been for them. We asked each student to share a “takeaway,” and I’d like to record here (without names) some of their comments.
-This was my first missions trip. I’ve known for much of my life that I was interested in working in missions in one way or another, but now—on this trip—I’ve seen God’s power at work as we’ve shared about Him, and I want to do this.
-It was refreshing to see the Holy Spirit at work and cool to see apologetics in action—outside the WA “bubble.”
-I’ve always been so nervous about talking about my faith, and that was a huge weight that was lifted off because I actually shared. It was great preparation for going to a secular college.
-This was different than other mission trips I’ve been on because we actually got to interact with other teens who don’t know Christ.
-I’ve been inspired to have more courage.
-This was very stretching.
-I haven’t had a lot of chances to be with non-Christians, and on this trip, I was—and we talked about faith.
-Going on other missions trips has never stretched me like this trip did. I want to look for other Gospel-sharing opportunities.
-We are spiritually and physically rich in Wheaton. I’ve been to places that are physically poor, but Scotland is spiritually poor. I had to pray for courage like I haven’t before, and God clearly answered.
-We had to trust that the Holy Spirit would work—and we saw Him do it.
-I’ve been in Christian schools my whole life, and meeting kids face-to-face who worship other things/gods was shocking. It makes me want to grow deeper in the Word so I can give answers.
-That was huge to have someone ask me about my faith.
-I learned that when I am truly genuine and vulnerable—when I take off the mask and really show my struggles—it builds connections.
-I was tested and couldn’t fall back on my friends.
-To share my cardboard testimony was terrifying, but in doing that, I saw the clear transformation that has been worked in me—I’m a “new me.”
-The spiritual warfare here is huge, and apathy is dangerous.
-It was hard for me to share my testimony with all of you, my teammates on this trip.
-This trip was hard for me. I’ve never gotten homesick before, and I thought we’d be doing more missions, and I thought that would pull me out of homesickness. But even when we were “doing mission work,” it didn’t make me feel good. As I’ve been thinking about that, God’s been showing me that it’s not about me, about my “feeling good.”
Every single student shared. The Scottish youth group arrived just before we finished, and Lorna, their youth leader, split the kids into small groups (with a mix of U.S. and Scottish teens), and led them in a wonderful time of discussion and prayer. It was incredible. They were sharing deep things with each other, and the time was rich.
It was late before we finished, and the kids still had to return to their host families and pack up. We left for the airport the next morning and arrived safely in Chicago with no lost luggage—or students!—the same evening.
We’re now four days post-trip. We were very, very glad to get back to our kids, but Dave and I are still discussing and thinking about this trip. We want to bring the lessons learned during it into everyday life, and we want to continue to pray fervently for Scotland. That’s our prayer for the students as well.