As one of the 5% white persons in a neighborhood that is 19% Latino/a and 73% African American (based on a 2022 community data snapshot (https://www.cmap.illinois.gov/wp-content/uploads/dlm_uploads/Austin.pdf ), I regularly connect with neighbors who have a significantly different experience from my own. My work as a chaplain/spiritual care provider in a large hospital in downtown Chicago provides me with even more intense connections with people whose experiences are significantly different from mine. Each day I meet with people in vulnerable times in their lives, and I am the member of their team asking how they are doing emotionally and spiritually in the midst of it. I am the one asking what in their lives gives them strength and hope and can it be used in this present moment. I meet with persons who name themselves as agnostic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Catholic, Buddhist, Protestant, Pagan, Evangelical, atheist, spiritual-but-not-religious…, who come from many different ethnic and cultural backgrounds and varying socioeconomic statuses, and who may bear a number of identities that are different than my own. 

Each interaction gives me a little glimpse into the heart and the story of the individual in front of me. I know it is not anything close to their full story, but it is an important glimpse they are granting me. I bear deep gratitude and responsibility for the ways in which they trust me.  

My work in these interactions is that of practicing informed, embodied empathy. There is more to it, of course, but that idea of “informed, embodied empathy” is foundational to my view of chaplaincy, which I see as not only a vocation but also as a way of living. I want empathy to inform my entire be-ing, how I view and interact with my family, my friends, my community, my world, and myself. Though I know that, due to my personality type and my past work, I may have come to the work of chaplaincy with a fairly high level of empathy, I have also come to see empathy as a skill that can be fostered in a variety of ways. I now see my empathy less as a character trait and more as an active mindset that I can engage with. It takes work, and it always will. 

When I look back at my childhood, I see a fairly shy, introverted child who could be quite happy spending entire days reading (one of my favorite Christmas memories was when my mother gave me an entire box of books with a bag of York peppermint patties tucked in at the top and full permission to spend the two days after Christmas reading for hours on end). 

How did that child begin to learn empathy for others? 

In large part she learned it through those books. Not all of them, of course. Some of them were formulaic, supporting a single way of looking at the world as the “right way” rather than simply one particular way among many others. Some, though good stories and less rigid, were not very broad in their scope of characters and places. 

But others introduced her to characters outside her narrow world (or in her world but wearing a different skin or living in a different neighborhood). These books taught her about universal emotions, about the difficulties faced when people either feel or are made to feel different or lesser than those around them. These books allowed her a glimpse into others’ worlds and a chance to feel their emotions. They expanded her ability to imagine what it might feel like to have a different life, to experience both the joys and the challenges of it. 

Those books were a part of her empathy education, which stood her/me in good stead as a teacher and certainly now as a hospital chaplain. 

As I wrote above, I continue to build my empathy through every encounter with every other person—and I also continue to foster it through my reading. Some of my reading is purely professional and some is just for brain break, but much of the time, I challenge myself to read books (both fiction and nonfiction) by and about people who have significantly different stories, backgrounds, and identities than my own. 

So I’ve decided that I am occasionally going to post here about books that have stretched and informed my empathy and that continue to do so. Some will be books I read in the past; others will be more recent. 

Take My Hand is a book I read very recently. I want to highlight and amplify the voices of the authors, so here is the link to the website of Dolen Perkins-Valdez, who wrote Take My Hand: https://dolenperkinsvaldez.com/books/take-my-hand/ 

This book made me want to read others by the same author. I appreciate that she presents the nuances of people’s emotions and views. I appreciate that she explores the desire to “help others” and when that “helping” minimizes or even obstructs the choice of the person being “helped.” One of my core values in chaplaincy is the upholding of the autonomy and choices of the person I am meeting with, and Perkins-Valdez lays out the complicated nature of this as well as several other challenging topics. 

I don’t want to say more; I hope you check out the website above and possibly read the book. I listened to the audio version through my local library (and I highly recommend the audio version).

Empathy begins with understanding life from another person’s perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality. It’s all through our own individual prisms. ~Sterling K. Brown