So we’ve been back in West Chicago now for three months, and I am tired, tired, tired and wondering, in odd, fragile moments, why God brought us back here. Don’t get me wrong. I SEE lots of answers to that question, and I am not doubting His leading, but all the obvious answers are stretching me past my limits, using up every bit of energy I have.
And I wonder—even while I hear a still, small voice telling me not to wonder about all the “why”s of this move—if this fatigue isn’t actually part of the big-picture reason. God keeps putting verses in my path that speak about my limitations. “My power is made perfect in weakness” showed up on our verse-of-the-day calendar yesterday. Today’s focus verse in Em’s devotional book is “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”
“Face it,” God seems to telling me. “Stop pretending you CAN do it all and admit you can’t. Be okay with your limitations, with your fatigue. Quit this Superwoman mentality. Only then will you stop trying and let me work. Only then will you see that I DO provide what you need, and you will see the strength I provide as supernatural and miraculous.”
Paul said he “boasted” in his weaknesses. He was “content” with hardships and weaknesses (as well as insults and persecutions!). He said that when he was weak (and “okay” with it), then he was strong. God tells me to “draw near to His throne of grace, so (I) can receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” He says that when I do draw near—recognizing my own inability—He will strengthen me with “power through His Spirit in (my) inner being” and I will KNOW (through experience) the love of Christ and the fullness of God.
So goodbye, working-mother image. Adios, Supermom. Here’s my shout-out to the world: I cannot do it all. I’m not capable. I’m weak. Did you hear that? I know this flies in the face of everything we’re supposed to tell ourselves, everything the world feeds us, but I’m stepping off the bus, baby.
So, do you know what this means? If you see me actually accomplishing my roles, looking like things are running smoothly, if I manage to get enough sleep and be everywhere on time, then guess what?
It’s NOT me! It’s God providing the strength, the remembering-power, the organizational skills…
It’s God providing what I need every week, every day, every moment…